I feel like I’ve walked/drove into some kind of twilight zone the last couple of days. Pedestrians everywhere…everywhere pedestrians. And they’re all suffering from a serious case of stupid. When did we as a society stop worrying about the consequences of our actions? (There’s a whole other topic.)
Over the past week I’ve just about hit 4 textards, 2 old ladies. a guy in a scooter with only one leg, and what looked like a mini parade of mothers with balloon clad strollers.
Don’t get me wrong, I will normally give pedestrians the right of way, but for fuck sakes. Before you say the obvious…the common denominator is me….let me explain.
The 4 textards: Between us, self explanatory. Texting and walking should be banned. See previous post. Just the fact that it happened 4 times in a week is proof enough.
The 2 old ladies: This was 2 separate blue hair incidents. The first one was at the grocery store. She stood behind my car looking around the parking lot for a few minutes. Obviously looking for her car, but took the time to watch me get in my car with her helpless confused look that said either “do you know what my car looks like” or “do I know you”. I started the car and put it in reverse. I’m pretty sure she noticed cause once I put it in reverse she looked at my tail lights. NOTHING!!! I inched towards her and still nothing. I actually had to honk the horn to get her to move along. She disappeared. I backed out and started to drive off. This crazy old broad must have finally spotted her wheels because her 4’2″ frame leaped from between two parked cars and did it’s best impression of a run towards her mint grey Park Dynasty. I slam on the brakes inches from grazing the top of her head with my bumper and she flips me the bird. Yes. I managed to get an 80 something to flip me the bird. The second blue hair incident actually walked into the intersection, stopped halfway across the road, around the same place I stopped before hitting her, looked up at the lights and realized she shouldn’t be there. She looked at me in shock, and started walking back and forth in front of the car like the duck shoot at the carnival. Proving that “go back or continue” was the biggest decision she was going to make today.
The old guy in the scooter: may not be entirely his fault. He was stretching his neck to check out the short shorts across the road when he drove off the curb and onto the road in front of my car. In a moment of weakness, I not only stopped, but also got out to help the guy get his scooter back on the sidewalk. He thanked me but didn’t seem too impressed that I couldn’t stop laughing. C’mon. A one legged man drives his scooter off the sidewalk into oncoming traffic because he was checking out some chick a third his age….that was funny.
The Mommy/stroller parade: I was with my wife on this one and we couldn’t believe what had just happened. This was apparently some kind of “Moms behaving like idiots while pushing baby in stroller” parade. We were stopped at a red and we watched as this convoy approached. The first problem was that rather than crossing when they could, they stopped and waited, FOR A RED. My light turns green and I start to cross. Problem #2. So does the misfit parade. I stopped just in time to watch mom #4 yell at the other 3 that they aren’t supposed to cross on a red. Rather than get out of the way, they continue on, and call for the rest to follow. We honestly waited for this cackle of shittards to cross and no word of lie, apologize for putting us out. You could have just waited for the light. There was about 15 of them in total. so maybe they arranged special stroller parade permits or something and I’m in the wrong. At the end of the day though, each and every one of these Moms are raising our future leader. Ummm yeah!
I would have been at fault if I took out any one of these detriments to the gene pool. I’m not the smartest guy going by any means, but I kind of wish Darwin’s theory would kick in every once in awhile. I put on quite a bit of mileage in the course of a year because of my job, and I probably see this stuff more than others, but seriously man, give your head a shake.